Maypocalypse Now
I love the smell of full calendars in the morning
When I was a kid, I loved May. My family would make May Day baskets with candy and popcorn and take them to our neighbors. We’d recite “April showers bring May flowers” like an incantation that would cause the foliage to burst forth in all its splendor. There was Cinco de Mayo1, there was the opportunity for hilarious Star Wars puns2, there was the promise that the school year was almost over. The weather got warmer. The days got longer. It’s no wonder N*Sync was so excited — May was the BEST.
And then I grew up.
Obviously there’s still a lot to love about May. Sure, global warming means that it’s now March showers bringing April flowers, but May is still the true turning from winter toward summer—the month where there’s a 99% chance that the coats can be stored away without regret. But many of the other things I loved about May hit a little different now. Star Wars puns? Just bad dad jokes. Cinco de Mayo? Cultural appropriation. I love a fiesta, but I’m not trying to get cancelled over a quesadilla. May Day baskets? You think whimsy is allowed in the social media age? I can’t be sending my kids into the neighborhood with janky solo cups and pipe cleaners, man. It’s gotta be Instagram worthy!
But all of that May-induced stress pales in comparison with the biggest issue of all: kid’s sports.
Now you might be thinking “Geez, Jonny, you must be a terrible dad to complain about watching your kids play sports,” and to that I’d say that I might be a terrible dad, but that’s not the reason why. I actually love watching my kids play sports. I love seeing them learn teamwork and work hard to get better. Last summer my wife upgraded our camp chairs to the rocking kind with the pistons because we’re putting in the hours at those fields. It’s not watching my kids that’s the problem. It’s . . . everything else.
I have three boys so it makes sense that there’d be three sports schedules, right? Wrong. It’s five. Five schedules. And it’s not like there’s nothing else going on, either! There’s also Driver’s Ed and therapy and concerts. Do the coaches care about those other things? Reader, they do not. Their main goal in life is to make sure that my kids are at practice 18 hours a day and by golly if they could increase it to 20 they would. Does little Timmy have homework? School is for nerds. Good grades can only take a kid so far and these coaches get that. AI might take our jobs away, but it will never replace baseball.
And the locations of these practices are all over the place. I’m driving 20 minutes in one direction for the first drop off only to go a totally different direction for the second. I feel like I’m living in a word problem—if Jonny has to drop off one kid in Canada and another in Mexico, how many times will he have to fill his gas tank per day? I’m about ready to jump into the Strait of Hormuz and start directing traffic myself because these gas prices are killing me. The only silver lining is I might go so broke from all the driving that I won’t have enough money for the registration fees for more kid’s sports.
I know that this is just a phase and someday I’ll look back wistfully on these May evenings. Next year my oldest will be able to drive himself and his brothers around and my schedule will loosen up a bit. I know all of that and I will work to enjoy this moment of life I’m in. At least until I crash out because an extra practice has been scheduled.
To the links!
Jonny: Speaking of May, Blockbuster season is almost upon us! The Mandalorian and Grogu opens on May 22 and I am . . . nervous. I loved Mando season 1 but I’m not sure how it will translate to the silver screen. Star Wars is at its best when story is prioritized over spectacle and it’s very unclear if there’s a story here beyond “Grogu is silly and cute.” Fingers crossed that the movie is more Empire Strikes Back and less Attack of the Clones.
Jeremy: I can’t wait for another addition to the Star Wars franchise. Mando and Grogu may not be great, but I can almost guarantee I’ll enjoy it if for no other reason than it’s Star Wars on the big screen! Speaking of sci-fi franchises: damn, man, Predator: Badlands was wayyy better than it had to be. The acting is surprisingly good and the effects are top-notch, but it’s the imaginative storytelling and creative world-building that bring it to another level. Great movie.
Next up: Both Deep Water and Mortal Kombat II are on my movie theater watch list.
Jonny: There are two times every year when I get really into reading: January and June. January because I’m always convinced that this year I will finally be all the things I’ve never been before and I’ll never look at my phone and always have a book with me. That usually lasts until mid-February at the latest. And June because it’s summer, baby, and I’m going to be taking my Kindle to the pool while I do my best to ignore the sounds of my kids drowning each other. And what do I enjoy reading by the pool? Freaking Emily Henry books of course. Put the rom-coms in my VEINS. How about you, Jeremy? Do your reading habits change with the weather?
Jeremy: Jonny! I have a whole section in my upcoming book (coming Sept. ‘27!) about reading with the seasons. I’m all about that seasonality, hombre. In the summer, my reading definitely gets lighter — I need books I can pick up and put down for 10 minutes at a time while I also “do my best to ignore the sounds of my kids drowning each other.” For me, it’s usually mysteries and thrillers: William Kent Krueger, Louise Penny, Stephen King, and the like. I just read Taylor Jenkins Reid’s Atmosphere, though, and loved it. Some space action, some romance, and a lot of heart. Maybe I’ll binge some more of her stuff this summer. Any other rom-com authors you’ve enjoyed? Or maybe you have more Louis L’Amour on your radar?
Jonny: Louis L’Amour is obviously a legend but boy oh boy it’s a lot of pages without any dialogue. I really enjoyed The Rom-Commers by Katherine Center. Very “closed door” vibes which is good for my puritanical ass. When it comes to thrillers I think my fave is probably Blake Crouch. Not actually smart, but it feels smart. Now that I think about it, that’s kind of like me…
I think Star Wars books are good in any season--do you have any on your summer reading list?
Jeremy: If you like Blake Crouch, read some Michael Crichton. Sphere, Jurassic Park, Airframe . . . I’ve read all of his books at least once, and most of them twice. He was my go-to in high school, college, and early adulthood. As for Star Wars books, I definitely have some on my list. More Claudia Gray for sure. Maybe more Alexander Freed. I was let down by the Thrawn trilogy, so I feel like I need a slumpbuster. Where should I turn next, Jonny?!
Finally, I want to recommend some Westerns by Larry McMurtry. He’s written dozens of ‘em, and he’s a master of dialogue. Try out all 900 pages of Lonesome Dove — or something like Telegraph Days is quite a bit more approachable.
Jonny: I started Lonesome Dove once but I think I need to read it on kindle—I can’t think straight when I see that many physical pages waiting for me 😵💫
If you liked Bloodlines by Gray and you enjoy Alexander Freed, you should check out Mask of Fear. Political intrigue abounds and there are lots of unique perspectives throughout. Master of Evil is also a fun, fast read. The third act sags a bit but for sure a fun one for the beach or pool.
If you have any book recs we need to check out let us know in the comments or with a note! Until next time keep being good to each other—we’re all we have.
-Jonny
Both “May the Fourth be with you” AND “Revenge of the Fifth.” Classics.
 | A guest post by
|
I feel like the third friend who wants to be patched in via three way call on our landline so we can nerd out. Good stuff.
Curious why Jeremy was let down by Thrawn trilogy? Isn't that a well-liked/well-reviewed trilogy?